my world, my true

I worried and I worried and I worried about how Knox would react to his little sister. This worry plagued me throughout most of my pregnancy, especially towards the end. I imagined him screaming in protest, his whole world flipped upside-down. I assumed I would have no time for him, that our bond would be strained, that the wonderful friendship we had grown over the past 2 years would be so different, that he would no longer be a Mommy’s boy…

Nothing could be further from the truth. From the moment he laid eyes on her, Knox has been nothing but positive, happy, sweet, gentle and completely loving towards Lately. He wants her where he is at all times. There were some scary moments in the first few days home where his bounding toddler body came a little too close for comfort to her delicate newborn head, and, of course, he would squeeze a bit too hard or get a little too close with a very hard, heavy plastic dinosaur…but, for the most part, he has been better than I could have ever imagined. I kick myself for doubting him - how could I forget what an amazing little man I have on my hands? How could I not know he would love her endlessly and be her protector? He has made me so proud.

The things he says to her are so cute. My favorite so far is “Cool dress, baby!” But he’s also said “I love baby” (he’s never said “I love Mommy or Daddy!”), which pretty much had me in a puddle on the floor. 

He loves to try to play dinosaurs with her, hold her on his lap, lay with her & pretend he’s sleeping, pat her back to help burp her and give her LOTS of kisses right on the lips. He even tried to get me to let her sleep in his bed with him the first night she was home! 

It’s hard to believe how much my smart, perfect and oh so full of love little man has taught me. This is just another one of those times where he’s led the way, knowing all along exactly what to do while I slip and stumble behind him trying to catch up.

How do you explain something so extraordinary to an almost-2-year-old? For the past few months I’ve been trying my best to come up with a way to make him understand what’s coming and I gave up and realized recently that it’s just too big for him to comprehend. Heck, it’s too big for me to comprehend, how can I really expect Knox to?

Most of our conversations about the baby go something like this:

Me: “Do you see Mommy’s belly?”

Knox: “Hm?” looks at my belly, looks at his own belly

Me: pointing at my belly “Your baby sister is in here.” 

Knox: stares blankly

Me: “Do you want your baby sister to come out of Mommy’s tummy & come live with us?”

Knox: “NOOOOO!”

Me: “Why not? She loves you. She wants to come play with you! She’s really nice.”

Knox: “Play? Nice?”

Me: “Yep, really nice.”

Knox: grabs nearest toy and clutches it close to his chest “No, MINE!”

Pretty unsuccessful so far, I’d say. Everyone tells me he will love her once she gets here, and I’m sure that will come. My goal for now is just to talk about her enough so that she exists in his mind, even if in some completely confusing way, so that her presence isn’t a total and complete shock to his world.

I like to imagine the two of them looking at each other with wonder and amazement. I see them messy-haired snuggling sleepy-eyed slumber party pals; fierce defenders, kissing each others boo-boos; dripping wet, sun-glistened playmates holding hands and running through sprinklers; giggling serious inventors of crazy imagination games;faces glowing and fists full of popcorn sharing movies and memories. 

I can’t wait to watch my family grow.