my world, my true

Today, you became a boy right before my very eyes. 

We sat on my bed playing with your dinosaurs. You made a stegosaurus family, a Mommy and two babies (one slightly bigger than the other), and asked me quickly “Can you play dis guy?” Which, of course meant that I would do the voice and movements for the Mommy stegosaurus, while you did the same for the two babies.

“Hi, Mommy! Can you come to the playground wif us?” you had them ask.

“Yes, babies! I would love to come!” I said for Mommy stegosaurus. 

“No, Mommy, NO!” You shouted loudly as you held up the larger of the two babies. “I not a baby. I’m a boy!”

My heart sank a little in that moment. Yours must have, too, because a few hours later, you made it clear that you weren’t quite comfortable with the idea of being a big kid just yet.

You sat on the couch and cried out a fake cry, “Wahhh! I’m a baby! Waahhh!” You asked me to feed you some milk, so I poured some in a cup and you drank it while I held the cup for you (you NEVER drink milk!). “I feel better now, Mommy,” you said and bounded off. And later you asked for a bottle for “Mommy Elmo” (your large Elmo doll) to feed you before she sang to you and rocked you to sleep.

You may be stuck in limbo between baby and boy, meanwhile, I’m clinging tightly to the moments when I sing, “Who’s my baby boy?” and you answer, “I’m your little baby boy,” the moments when you need one more hug or to hear “your” song* before you can go to sleep at night. I’ll savor the times you curl up beside me and play with my hair, or grab my face and say something goofy, giggling at me, forehead to forehead. And, until the day comes when your dinosaur babies no longer need a mommy, you and I both know I’ll play whichever guy you want me to.

*Your Song*

He’s a big ol’ boy, he’s a big ol’ baby boy.

He’s a big boy and we love him so much.

He’s a big ol’ boy, he’s a big ol’ baby boy.

He’s a big boy and we love him SO much.

(sung to the tune of “You’re a Grand Old Flag”)